YOU’VE UNDOUBTEDLY HEARD it said that perception is reality. Is this true or false? It is certainly true that my perception of whatever is my reality.
It is a small distortion of the truth, but to be more succinct, perception is only my opinion of reality.
My opinion is not necessarily accurate. It may be accurate, but my opinion, simply because I have one, does not guarantee accuracy. My thoughts, feelings, and experience may give me the impression that my perception is reality, but if so, my reality could easily change if my thoughts, feelings, and experience change.
What I am saying is that I do not know reality outside my opinion of reality, and to believe otherwise will kill off the possibility of ever accepting what is truly real.
If I am not open to the possibility that what I believe is only my opinion of what is truly real, I may also do a sufficient job of killing you off at the same time. I’ll give you an example.
A single man in his mid-fifties, who had never married, found himself at a crossroads with a woman he liked very much. He didn’t mean for it to happen, but his heart became attached to hers and the alarms went off in his mind. He was preparing himself to run.
I asked that he give up his worn-out counterfeit strategy of fleeing, unless, of course, he would like to rinse and repeat the behavior that ended every good relationship in his past.
He had good reason to make the trip to the dark side where his demons lived. After being content to be alone his entire life, he was now not content, even with his success and well-earned time freedom. Even though he did not believe he was in love with this woman, he was willing to trust my coaching, with the assurance I gave him that, in the end, he could flee if he wanted to.
His perception of reality was that love would kill him.
After all, the first time he suffered the blow to his heart and he was robbed of a measure of love, he was ten years old. At that moment, he felt like he was dying. That was when his beloved father died.
On that day, he lost his idol, his best friend, and mentor. He was also left with siblings and a grieving mother, who did not work outside the home. You may know the depth of his pain and the chaos that followed.
The decision he made came as a declaration buried in his subconscious mind: I will never get close enough to another human being to be hurt like this again.
The truth about life is that there is a dark side to love.
There is also a dark side to respect, significance, and security.
In other words, in order to enjoy the benefits of love, respect, significance, and security, one must be willing to accept the reality that he or she will also suffer the loss of some measure of these things.
The only other option is to refuse or deny yourself the possibility of the experience.
There is a cost for freedom. And there is a cost for bondage.
Any life insurance actuary can tell you that there is a high probability of death, in the near future, for a person who retires from a long fulfilling career, or a person who has lost a beloved spouse after a long marriage. It appears that one can die from a broken heart.
To lose what gives us purpose in life; to lose what gives us love, respect, significance, and security; can kill us—emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
The truth is that you are going to die anyway. Would you like to die having a full measure of what you really want from life, or would you like to die in the prison you erect to protect you from the hazards of love?
Inside solitary confinement, you can choose to love things and experiences instead of people, and Death will assure you that you will be much safer this way.
You can accept the perception of your reality as if it is true, or you can accept the possibility that you made a decision, in the form of a declaration back when something bad happened in your tender youth, that was nothing more than the opinion of a child afraid of Death.
This man, upon carefully considering his options, chose to face the demons that held him captive. As a result, his heart was free to love this woman with the same reckless abandon he experienced with his dad.
It was fun to witness the reality that he was indeed in love with her. And when the time was right, about a year later, they married. I expect them to live happily ever after.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?—Psalm 56: 3-4 (NIV)
Proverb 18:21, John 5:24, 1 John 4:18, Isaiah 61:1, Romans 12:2, Matthew 25:36, Psalm 79:11, Psalm 34:18, 2 Corinthians 3:17
As always, it is my intent and hope that my words may encourage you wherever you are in your journey.
What declarations, made in your youth, are keeping you from experiencing a measure of love, respect, significance, or security that you most desire?
Please share your thoughts in the comments below or go to the group tab above to share your own experience. It only takes a minute of your time and your words may help others.
If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.–Jesus(Mark 4:23)
