TEACHING THE QUESTION "WHY" to my clients has been the source of my income and business success for many years. Rather than trying to tell your customer what he or she needs, or dominating the conversation with all the features and benefits of your product or service, ask some “Why” questions.
“Why are you thinking about…” “Why do you think this will solve your problems?”
I teach people to dig deeper and follow up with a second “Why” after they get answers to the initial “Why” questions. This way they are earnestly seeking to understand their customer better. And if they do it right, they will learn several motives behind the customer’s first responses. When they have enough information, they’ll be able to truly help their customer, whether they can do business together or not.
Everyone is happier when they are heard and believe the other person in the conversation cares to understand what they’re after. It is called intimacy;
Into-me-you-see.
And we’re all wired for it. We feel safer when we believe the other person understands us and has no intention of harming us. The question “Why” is good for creating the possibility of intimacy.
“Why did you have a bad day?”
“Why do you think your grades dropped this quarter?”
“Why do you love me?”
It is a simple question to ask, but often, it is not easy to ask. A lot of people think it is rude or intrusive to ask, “Why did you…change your hair color?” They believe it is better to complement the hair color or ignore the obvious if they don’t like the change. And, technically, maybe it is rude to ask, but I didn’t read the rulebook on asking questions, and learned a very long time ago to simply apologize if my questions were offensive.
As a child I bugged everyone with my inquisitive nature and I heard, ‘Go out and play and stop bugging me with so many questions,’ or ‘I don’t know the answer to that question. Why don’t you shut up and watch the movie and maybe you can answer it yourself?’ or ‘What in the world made you ask that question?’ or ‘It wasn’t nice to ask that man why he was in a wheelchair.’
But, I also got lots of answers by asking questions and very often I have been told that I was the first person to ask a particular question like, “What does it feel like to know you are only given six months to live?” And I’ve been thanked for asking my questions and given a depth into the other person’s real self.
So, with that much success with my favorite question, it came as a surprise to me when I learned that God considers so many questions directed toward him as a lack of faith.
It is not that he’s like my mother who didn’t have time for my questions when I was a kid. He has all the time in the world, but when I ask, “Why did you let that bad thing happen?” or “Why can’t I keep my house?” or “Why won’t you fix this problem?” what God hears is my heart, which is really asking a deeper question.
“Why don’t you love me?” or “Why don’t you care about me?” or “Why don’t I matter to you?”
Not all things learned are earth shattering. This was. To me.
Today I can see that God brings circumstances into our lives as a way to reveal the faulty beliefs hidden in our hearts. How else, without the fire-breathing dragon in our face, are we to learn the truth about ourselves?
Really what we’re saying when we ask, “Why do you let the bad thing happen?”, the Lord is thinking, “What makes you think this is bad?”
Our problem is our sense of right and wrong, good and bad. That’s really our problem. Our skewed view of right and wrong that leads to the problem.
“Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me.
“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
Have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness? Declare, if you know all this.---The Lord (from Job 38)
As always, it is my intent and hope that my words may encourage you wherever you are in your journey.
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If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.--Jesus (Mark 4:23)
