FROM THE MOMENT I heard him speak my name, I knew it was Jesus. It was a supernatural experience and one I will never forget.
I never knew we have eyes in our hearts.
Nor did I know that when the Lord speaks, his words permeate the entire body, and the spirit within us connects with his spirit. I had heard that he was the Good Shepherd, and his sheep know his voice. From what I’ve learned about dumb sheep, I can only say I needed to hear his voice.
I wasn’t looking for a religious experience, nor did I have one. However, with the next thing he said to me, I knew religion was on his mind.
“Why do you call yourself Christian?” was his question, which only I could hear even though my boyfriend was in the same room talking with friends.
The question was rhetorical, and thankfully so because I would have embarrassed myself if I had tried to answer. That’s because of all the things I felt like a fraud about, being Christian was not one. However, at that moment, I knew I was not Christian.
I did not know Jesus.
I knew about Jesus and I knew enough of his commandments to talk Christian. I went to church and I tried to be a good person. I aligned myself with many Christian values and felt really bad when I fell short of doing the right thing. But, I did not know Jesus.
He did not have me on his mind that particular evening to condemn me, something I could have done myself if it were not for the most inexplicable love that permeated my entire body while in his presence.
Without saying the words, I knew I was forgiven.
We did not stay on my sofa, but he took me on a trip through my life. I did not notice the time, but in reality, it would have taken days to visit the places of my past. For this reason, I believe he stopped the clock because the entire experience could not have lasted more than a few minutes, at best.
There were many stops in my past, but two that stood out, which I can recall almost three decades later. The first happened just four years before, and I was sitting in a business meeting with a client who asked if we could pray before we began. “You are a Christian, right?”
“Of course,” I answered as I bowed my head and sighed inside. I pushed the sleeve up on my blouse so I could check my wristwatch for the time when my client went on and on with his silly prayer.
Jesus said not a word, but he looked into my eyes. ‘I forgive you’ permeated my being.
The second significant stop occurred nine years before in the hospital room the afternoon after learning of my daughter’s death. The surgeon stopped by to explain why she died. “We haven’t developed the technology to save newborns with her condition yet,” he said. He raised his big hands in front of himself with his fingers open wide and continued. “I want you to know I did everything I could and gave my hands to God when I operated on your precious child. I am so sorry.”
It was at that moment that I believed God hated me.
He could have saved my daughter and didn’t.
Jesus looked into my eyes again, only this time with tears. ‘I know the sting of death, and I know what it is like to lose your only child. I am sorry for your pain.’
At that moment, I knew that God did not hate me, but rather, he loved me more than I had ever imagined I could be loved.
I cannot explain why Jesus had me on his mind that day, but I am grateful he did for I was a lost sheep and too dumb to know I was. Somewhere along my journey, I thought I could reach my destiny of love, respect, significance, and security alone, but in one visit from the author and finisher of Love, I learned that I had been on the road to death.
Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to prevent the Israelites from seeing the end of what was passing away. But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2Corinthians 3:12-18 (NIV)
1 Peter 2:25,John 10:1-27,Matthew 18:12,John 11:35,John 3:17,John 15:9-17
As always, it is my intent and hope that my words may encourage you wherever you are in your journey.
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If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.–Jesus (Mark 4:23)
