God Doesn’t Play By My Rules

I WAS NOT TAUGHT to wait for things to magically happen in life. I was taught to do something that could change my circumstances, and after going to work at fourteen years old, I learned that money could change most of the problems I faced. Money was power. Control. Security.

After I met Jesus, I wanted to heed his words, and I was rightly convicted that I could not serve money and him at the same time.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” –Matthew 6:24

This is why I walked away from a thriving business, leaving more than a million dollars in cash behind to my partner. I considered it to be the right thing to do since I was also reneging on an agreement to stay at least five years and I left after four.

My business partner agreed to pay my salary for two years, but with the third check, he sent a letter stating I must return to work to get my money. If my partner had not given this ultimatum, I would have begged to return because it was on that same day that I learned my husband was being forced out of his company and threatened with criminal charges of fraud.

My husband was indignant about my partner’s refusal to give me the agreed upon money, and took me to see his attorney. I was assured that I would win if I sued, but a dream that followed caused concern.

Many lives would be destroyed by my lawsuit, and since I was new to the notion of trusting God, I asked a reliable friend about how to know what God would have me do. I explained how I knew God had been teaching me about my dependency on money so he iterated the story in the Bible of Gideon, who put a fleece before the Lord.Judges 6:36-40

So the manipulator that I am gave it try.

“If I do not see my partner this week, I will know that I am to let this matter go, but if I see him I will pursue with legal action. You will decide, Lord, for I want to give this matter to you.”

Of course, I didn’t make it easy for God because up until this point, I saw my partner every week at church or in the video or grocery store, even though we had stopped speaking several months before and avoided eye contact.

After foolishly challenging the Lord, I went to the video store every night, and on Sunday morning I roamed the corridors of my large church. I intentionally entered the sanctuary late, certain I would see him in the spot where he always sat. But he was nowhere to be found. Maybe he went on vacation with my money.

Immediately the statement I made to the Lord was amended to include a second week.

Then a third week.

With it obvious that my partner had vanished from the planet, I surrendered and gave my husband the answer he dreaded. I would not sue.

By the way, I didn’t see my partner again for years when I was long past needing anything from him.

It was a rough journey during the lean months that followed. Soon after my second child was born, I lost my marriage—number three if you’re trying to keep up—my home, my excellent credit rating, and a ton of my pride.

I felt like a failure, and of course, the big lie—I don’t matter—was in the forefront of my thoughts.

And then God restored me.

He guided me into business consulting that gave me all the money I needed to make me feel secure once again. But more than that, he gave me time freedom to be with my kids, the biggest desire of my heart.

There was nothing I did to earn such a life, nor did I deserve it.

Then why did I fight so hard to restore my old life, which included a violent and dishonest husband, and a business that required me to work sixty or eighty hours a week?

Because my peanut brain is, well, a peanut brain.

When I look back on those early days with the Lord, I see more than his almighty power, but I see his patience. I see his wisdom in letting me get to the end of myself, for he knew that I was taught to do, and I had this crazy belief that if it is to be, it is up to me.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us.

None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds,

they would be too many to declare.—Proverbs 40:2,5

Psalms 27:14,Isaiah 40:31,Psalms 37:9,Habakkuk 2:3,Job 14:14

How willing are you to accept God’s clear answer when it isn’t what you hoped for?

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As always, it is my intent and hope that my words may encourage you wherever you are in your journey.