I HAVE THIS PICTURE in my head that life is like driving a bus. (I’m more of a sports car kind of girl, but I guess I need a bus to hold all my baggage.)
The journey, of course, is to the grand prize of perfect peace and rest.
Every time my bus ends up in the ditch or at a dead-end, I can plainly see how I was going too fast on a turn or was asleep at the wheel. Those are the times I ask Jesus to come up from his seat at the back of the bus and take over.
Otherwise, I just want him in my rearview mirror so he can enjoy the ride.
For eighteen years I counted on the Lord to get me on my way when I needed him, and he was faithful to do just that. Thankfully, because I learned to keep my bus on the right path and how to avoid the detours, I thought the rest of my life would be smooth sailing.
Then through no fault of my own, the bottom fell out of the American economy.
The Lord spoke to me one spring morning. He called me by name and asked, “Do you trust me?” I remember with fondness when I heard his words because I had recently lost two major contracts that made up the bulk of my income, but I was not afraid. Fear leads to death, hope leads to life, Lord, and I trust your word. I love you Lord, and I’ve been through downturns before, so you don’t have to worry about me.
Several months later, he spoke again. He said, “I know you love me, but do you trust me?”
The bus was running out of gas as my bank account dwindled, but I was still not afraid. A cousin asked if I was worried that I didn’t have any income lined up for the fall. Proudly, I answered, “Not at all. The Lord convicted me years ago to get out of debt and my expenses are such that I don’t need much to weather this storm. I now know it’s the reason he had me sell my large home years ago. And don’t forget, I’m a salesperson. I can sell anything.”
Reminiscing the beginning of my journey years ago with the Lord when I was broke, I remembered how he likes to “save the day” in the eleventh hour, so I refused to be afraid. When the time is right, he will open the right doors. Isaiah 60:22
Meanwhile, my clients were scared to death, trying to stay afloat in a horrible recession, and I spent my time coaching them, without pay, but with a lot of satisfaction. I left each meeting believing the economy would turn around soon and I’d get back on the payroll. Meanwhile, the Lord was using me to be a light of hope in the darkness.
One day in late fall, I got a call from a friend who had suffered the ills of the horrible economic disaster, and I answered the phone with my best positive attitude voice, ready to assure her that she would survive. “You’ve been on my mind,” she said after the initial pleasantries. “I figured you’ve been hit hard, too, and I wanted to know if you need any money.”
It was the first time in my life anyone offered me money. I was the one who handed out the money, and to date, I had been repaid very little. My heart was moved by the kindness of her gesture, but I told her not to worry about me. “I’ve been working on a plan to help my clients whereby they will not pay me unless I can get quantifiable results. There’s no reason to sit at home, and they need my help but don’t have the funds yet. I figure I’ll make some money in the next few months, but if anything goes wrong, I’ll let you know.”
Three months later, my plan failed and I needed help. I was fifty-one years old and it was the first time I ever asked anyone for money. I was humbled when my friend sent three times what I asked for.
Spring rolled around and the Lord spoke again. He asked, “Do you trust me?”
This time the church lady was not nice.
Do I trust you? I said I did twice before, don’t you believe me? My son is in college and my daughter is heading that way and I’ve spent the remainder of their college fund. Do you know how ashamed I am and how humiliating it was to borrow money from a friend?
I’m not trying to drive my bus, Lord, but you don’t seem to want to. Are you trying to prove something? Are you saying I don’t trust you? If that’s it, fine. Why don’t you show me where in the world I do not trust you? And please hurry up. I’m in the ditch and the water’s rising.
I should have been struck by lightning, but that’s not what happened next. I cannot say for sure, but I imagine the Lord was exasperated. He probably gave a glance to Jesus. ‘She’s a sassy one, isn’t she? Hope she fastens her seatbelt. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.’
Thus became a journey in the company of the Lord, who was leading me through the valley of despair where the demons Shame and Humiliation held no power against God. The purpose was to break me free from the snare of Death.
Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”—Matthew 14:28-33 (NIV)
James 1:2-4,James 1:9-12, James 1:16-18, Psalm 23:4
As always, it is my intent and hope that my words may encourage you wherever you are in your journey.
If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear.--Jesus (Mark 4:23)
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